Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is wine microwaveable?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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