i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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