well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
