Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
