Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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