4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
