she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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