If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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