More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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