I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
