At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
