Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
