Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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