Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
