forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
