Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
