There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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