He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am naked and annoyed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
