If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
