It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
