Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
