if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
