I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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