you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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