Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
