Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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