Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
