just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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