and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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