she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
