Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
