1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I checked into jail on foursquare
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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