im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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