WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
