i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
