Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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