I think im going to throw up on grandma
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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