did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
