So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
