i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I cockslap morals
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
