I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
