these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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