You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
