I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
