I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
