Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
