I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
