respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
