she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
