with your own penis?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
high people should be assigned attendants
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
