i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
