my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
