I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
