I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
