It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
