i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
