i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
