So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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