I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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