2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I only lived at night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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